I can barely remember where I left my blog last year. It seems like a pretty ugly patch in my life after a year of travelling to some of the most beautiful, enriching and challenging places in the world. I am so grateful to be on the otherside of the post travel blues that challenged me coming into end of 2012.
So much of travel is about the preparation before you go. The saving of all those pennies, stocking up on quality time with loved ones, savouring of experiences once taken for granted on your front door, handing in your notice, putting your bank, phone, flat in order so it doesn't cost you more than it needs to (some more successfully than others!) storage of your possessions, handing over of keys and finding some time to make a plan about where and what that elusive travel might entail. Then there are the farewells, those last tastes of home, hugs of babes who will be walking talking boys when you get back and getting to the airport on time without holding on for one last hug.
That to me is the easy part. Its the whirlwind, the happy times, the moments full of excitement, promise and intent. The moments you say I love you.
On the flip side of this is the return. My return was one that will forever shake me. It tainted my experience. Broke me in a way Everest didn't. It seems that the big What Next? really has been my undoing.
As I walked past a man in high quality hiking boots and his swag sitting on the park bench, down the Stepney Way yesterday, it got me thinking of a thousand maybes. How the past eight months could have been very different, if I had have had my health and not had my buffer money. If I had had to return to work, not through choice but through necessity. Would I be seeing these first days of Spring as hopefully as I am today, or would have I enjoyed Christmas instead?
Returning home has had me reading more self help books than I ever thought possible. Its been a time of reflection and recuperation. And boy oh boy have I realised I am not normal (Thomas James you were right all along!). I have discovered that I needed to be amongst people moving forward not in circles, as my temptation to join their circle line journey was too tempting, turning off the tap on these friendships was heart breaking but definitely worthy of getting me to today.
I owe a debt to my old flatmate Chiara for all the long chats and the patience she had in my darkest hours. Tears and confusing Kiwi conversation as I tried to untangle myself couldn't have been done without her honest Italian ways. This also goes for my dear friend Dianne who is on a journey of her own and in being able to share these months I was able to share in the reading, updates on meetings and generally keep me moving forward.
Despite all this reverence I honestly still don't have an answer to the What Next question. But the one thing I have now is the confidence to say "its okay". I don't feel defeated anymore. And I feel like I am taking my first steps... Himalayas anyone?
I can't say what is right or wrong for those on the road, spend it all or have a buffer. There is no right answer. But there is one thing for sure. Its a thud.
So much of travel is about the preparation before you go. The saving of all those pennies, stocking up on quality time with loved ones, savouring of experiences once taken for granted on your front door, handing in your notice, putting your bank, phone, flat in order so it doesn't cost you more than it needs to (some more successfully than others!) storage of your possessions, handing over of keys and finding some time to make a plan about where and what that elusive travel might entail. Then there are the farewells, those last tastes of home, hugs of babes who will be walking talking boys when you get back and getting to the airport on time without holding on for one last hug.
That to me is the easy part. Its the whirlwind, the happy times, the moments full of excitement, promise and intent. The moments you say I love you.
On the flip side of this is the return. My return was one that will forever shake me. It tainted my experience. Broke me in a way Everest didn't. It seems that the big What Next? really has been my undoing.
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| Spring and the Rose Tinted Glasses |
Returning home has had me reading more self help books than I ever thought possible. Its been a time of reflection and recuperation. And boy oh boy have I realised I am not normal (Thomas James you were right all along!). I have discovered that I needed to be amongst people moving forward not in circles, as my temptation to join their circle line journey was too tempting, turning off the tap on these friendships was heart breaking but definitely worthy of getting me to today.
I owe a debt to my old flatmate Chiara for all the long chats and the patience she had in my darkest hours. Tears and confusing Kiwi conversation as I tried to untangle myself couldn't have been done without her honest Italian ways. This also goes for my dear friend Dianne who is on a journey of her own and in being able to share these months I was able to share in the reading, updates on meetings and generally keep me moving forward.
Despite all this reverence I honestly still don't have an answer to the What Next question. But the one thing I have now is the confidence to say "its okay". I don't feel defeated anymore. And I feel like I am taking my first steps... Himalayas anyone?
I can't say what is right or wrong for those on the road, spend it all or have a buffer. There is no right answer. But there is one thing for sure. Its a thud.
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